T H E    U N S U I T A B L E    S U I T O R

The Unsuitable Suitor

It is 9:05 in the morning, August 12, 1874. No need to knock. We have slipped unseen into the well-appointed home of Francis W Mitchell, Postmaster General of Hong Kong, and his wife Mary Mitchell. They are my great great grandparents.  It’s Sunday and Francis is sleeping in. In the kitchen, the Mitchell’s daughter, also Mary, (25) paces the kitchen floor. Her mother is seated at the table, sipping tea and staring absently at nothing in particular. Quiet now….

“When is he going to come down Mother? I can’t stand much more of this.”

“He won’t be much longer, dear. Be patient.”

Young Mary is frantic. “I’m about to have a conversation with that obstreperous old bear of a father which he is not going to like about the future course of my life and I’m supposed to be patient?”

“Your father is not the easiest man to deal with, I confess, but he does deserve our respect…and our love. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m sorry Mother. I just need to get this over with and get on with my life with Daniel — away from this house! Oh dear, he’s coming down now.”“Good morning father.”

“Good morning Mary. Good morning dear. Well now. You two look like you swallowed the canary.”

“Father, I’ve got some exciting news to tell you.” “Really, what is it Sweetheart?”

“Daniel and I are going to be married. We are betrothed.”

“What? My God girl, you cannot be serious. You hardly know the man. And he certainly has not approached me for your hand.”

“Father, we’ve been seeing each other for eight months, and he had every intention to speak to you, but I told him that I preferred to tell you the news myself. And I am serious father. Very serious. He’s a wonderful man and I love him dearly.”

“He’s a Caldwell, damn it. His father’s a scoundrel; his uncle’s a scoundrel. No Mary. I cannot allow it. It is absolutely out of the question. I will not have my daughter married to a Caldwell. It would discredit our family, tarnish my reputation irreparably and God knows where you would end up. Absolutely not.”

“I’m afraid I am marrying Daniel, father. I hope you will give us your blessing and wish us well. But if you choose not to, that is your loss.” Mary, in tears, runs from the kitchen.

Mary’s mother takes up the cause, “Francis, for goodness sake, Mary is a grown woman. She must make her own decisions and yes, live with them.” It’s not up to us to decide whom she should marry and whom not.”

“Dear, I cannot stop our Mary from marrying that man, but I swear to God, he will not step foot in this house. And we will not be attending the marriage.”

“You will not, perhaps, but I will. I will not abandon our daughter because you have a bone to pick with the Caldwells.”

And that was that. Mary and Daniel Edmond Caldwell (my great grandfather) married the following year. Francis was ‘unavoidably’ absent in China on business. Young Mary’s brother Francis served as witness. And curiously, Francis retired from the Post Office that same year, 1875, and he and Mary left Hong Kong to begin another life in Hobart, Tasmania.

Was Francis so shamed by his unwanted connection to the Caldwells that he could not bear to remain in Hong Kong? Did he fear becoming ostracized by his friends and colleagues? Did Mary and her father speak to each other again? We don’t know.

Post script:

 Some say Old Man Mitchell wasn’t far off the mark. The Caldwells were indeed a controversial and influential Hong Kong family. My great great grandfather, Daniel R Caldwell smuggled opium into Canton as a young privateer. Later, his remarkable linguistic skills and his rapport with the Chinese community of Hong Kong made him indispensable to the colonial government. At the same time, Daniel had connections with the Hong Kong underworld. Information from those informants allowed him, in partnership with the British Navy, to rout and destroy thousands of pirates who had devastated trade in and out of Hong Kong. Those connections and his past life as a smuggler, however, left many in Hong Kong wondering where Daniel’s loyalties really lay — on the right or the wrong side of the law.

Daniel’s brother Henry Caldwell spent most of his career in Singapore where, for 28 years, he was an officer of the court. There, he was much liked and greatly admired as a man of integrity and talent. One day an audit determined that $100,000 of trust funds were missing. Henry could not provide a satisfactory explanation. Facing a lengthy prison sentence, he, along with his family, slipped away in the night leaving everything they owned behind. They re-appeared in Hong Kong where Henry started again, became a lawyer, and paid back his creditors in full.

Young Mary’s Daniel Edmond Caldwell also became a lawyer. In letters to his wife who, with the children, were visiting in England, he makes reference to mounting family expenses and how much he hated his work. Was he at the end of his tether? Quite possibly, for he took a page from his uncle’s playbook and disappeared with his client’s trust funds. He was never heard from again. Mary raised the children in England as a single parent and lived out her days there alone.

Image: Gentleman, 1860 by Camille Dolard le Jeune (1810-1884)